Are you a disgruntled Bluenose wishing you could save the club from relegation this season? Well if you don’t have a club (we can’t pay transfer fees) and play at centre half (or know where they stand on the pitch) then your club needs you!

On January 31st, Brummagem FC are holding open trials at East Hills to find the next Danny Shittu and Titus Bramble out of applicants from across the world after their defenders on loan were taken back by their parent clubs.

So if you have the athleticism of Thiago Silva, speed of Sergio Ramos, tackling of Vincent Kompany, heading of Nemanja Vidic or none of the above then why not head down to the club training ground for your chance to wear the royal blue shirt.

During the trial, applicants will be put through their paces in the toughest drills professional football has to offer by two of the greatest coaches in the game, Lee Spark and Terry McDonald:

1) The ability to create something out of nothing…

2) Putting your body on the line for the shirt…

3) Play unselfishly…

4) Or show immense skill in high pressure situations…

Come down to East Hills Training Ground this Friday from 10am-1pm for your opportunity to become a Brummagem legend like Eiovanny Gspinoza, Carlos Expensive and Aaron Dambrose.

By Oliver Osborn (The Bluenose Bible)